The stupidest sledge of the series
These are not terrific times for Tim Paine. His team has been decimated by a decimated team. His reputation for saving Australian cricket’s soul is in tatters after his bickering behind the stumps in Sydney. On top of it all, his sledge there - “Can’t wait to get you to the Gabba, Ash” - has been memed and ridiculed into oblivion.
One positive, though. Paine’s might have been a puerile sledge, and one with a sneering, nasty little edge to it. It was certainly a hostage to fortune, and one where the hostage ended up being brutally murdered by not only fortune but Ashwin’s smartphone. It did at least, though, have plenty of logic to it. Australians getting people to the Gabba was a pretty tried and tested way of meting out punishment to touring cricketers. It also became, by some distance, far from the stupidest sledge unleashed this series.
Early on Tuesday morning, and early on in Pujara’s innings, India’s crutch was at the non-striker’s end as Hazlewood bowled to Gill. The last ball of the over was jabbed to the off side, Pujara fancied the run, but Gill not so much and sent his senior colleague back. The Australian fielding pack delighted in Pujara’s jitters, assuming he was trying to avoid facing the next over, to be bowled by Cummins. One of them, and admittedly this could have been Paine, chose to vocalise the theory: “Doesn’t want to be on strike, boys”. It was early in Brisbane but very late in my flat. Had my ears nodded off and started dreaming independently?
Doesn’t want to be on strike, boys.
What an astonishing thing to say to Pujara, a batsman who has faced 2657 deliveries in 21 Test innings in Australia. A batsman who absorbs bowlers’ energy like alien Scarlett Johansson looking for love in Scotland. A batsman who becomes so much part of the crease he’s lucky Steve Smith doesn’t shadow bat on top of him.
Doesn’t want to be on strike, boys.
Look at the splendour of those words. The unadultarated chutzpah and nonsense burnished within them, a chalice of nincompoopery. It was an extraordinary effort from whoever said it, one worthy of the illustrious trove of The Grade Cricketer, where comically deluded and alpha sledges are stored for posterity.
Australia, though more subdued than Sydney, did everything they could to get under Pujara’s skin on Tuesday. They actually did so successfully, but only in the sense of the numerous blows they inflicted upon him. Fox showed that they had struck him ten times during his innings of 56, meaning a bruise for about every 21 balls he faced.
Doesn’t want to be on strike, boys.
Incredible.